CW: mental illness, loss
When I was a little kid, I was afraid to be sad. If someone asked me how I was feeling, my answer would automatically be “good,” a reply I would offer along with a smile. I would get what I used to call Weird Feelings; much later in life I’d realize that what I was actually experiencing was derealization, but as a kid they were simply Weird Feelings and I would do my best to sweep them away.
Sweeping away doesn’t work, though. The Weird Feelings, and the anxiety, the sadness… they’re a part of life. No matter what, they’re there, even at the supposed most wonderful time of the year. Perhaps especially at the supposed most wonderful time of the year. The holidays are when families are supposed to come together and we’re supposed to go to parties and we’re supposed to fulfill countless other “supposed to’s.” So it’s easy to feel sad and lonely when we don’t live up to those expectations, even more so in a year filled with longing like 2020. There’s no movie that better embodies that unique holiday sadness than The Apartment.
The Apartment tells the story of two lonely souls at Christmastime; the magic comes from the miracle of them somehow finding each other in the midst of their melancholy. After all, the only thing lonelier than being lonely is being alone in your loneliness. There was one time I was studying with a friend in college right before the holiday break; I suddenly was hit with a wave of sadness over a loss in my family from when I was kid (sometimes those things, like Weird Feelings, just hit us, especially around the holidays, no?). I tried to talk to my friend about it, but she brushed me off. Later, that same friend said to me the heinous untruth that people with mental illness are unlovable; nothing has stuck with me more or made me feel more alone. I now know without a doubt that’s not true (and if you need help remembering that, please reach out to me!), but it took some time to get to this place, and The Apartment helped along the way.
There is so much simultaneous joy and sadness in The Apartment. Is there anything more real and relatable than that? Life is not made up of clearly deliniated moments of happiness and moments of sadness. It all mingles in the melange of life, and no one knows that more than Billy Wilder. All of his movies, but especially The Apartment, are tinged with just as much darkness and lightness. They remind me that not only is it okay, but imperative, not to keep your feelings boxed up and segregated. You can discuss your depression while straining spaghetti with a tennis racket and still fall in love. For a lot of us, that’s how we fall in love.
The Apartment ends on New Year’s Eve. Shirley MacLaine’s Miss Kubelik is all alone in a crowded room… that is, until she learns Jack Lemmon’s Baxter was actually on her side all along. She rushes to his titular apartment, knowing that she needs to spend the holiday with him. In a deliciously dark, signature Wilder move, Miss Kubelik hears a loud pop from inside Baxter’s apartment. She fears the worst, but is soon relieved to discover it was only Baxter opening a bottle of champagne. Darkness and lightness coexist in that one moment, and it’s at the crux of the movie, of so much of life. Wilder and his co-writer I.A.L. Diamond knew that, the same way they knew that sometimes the only apporpriate response to ‘I love you’ is ‘Shut up and deal.’
I hope everyone reading this has a happy and — above all — safe holiday. If you feel like it, please reply to this email and let me know how you’re safely ringing in the new year during the pandemic. I promise to sit with you in whatever you’re feeling.
stuff i’ve made
I’m proud to say one of my pilots was a second rounder in the Austin Film Fest and a semifinalist in Final Draft Big Break this past year. You can reach out here if you’re interested in reading (or producing!) any of my scripts!
Tomorrow is my last day writing for Elite Daily! I’ve so loved my time writing about TV and movies, and I’m especially proud of some recent interviews I’ve done, like this one with Asante Blackk about Black Lives Matter, this one with the stars of Bridgerton, and this one with Sutton Foster that made my little musical theatre-bred heart sing.
I’m about to get back to work on Season 2 of Work in Progress, and this is your friendly reminder that Season 1 is so beautiful and available to watch on Showtime!
stuff i’m thinking about
The importance of continuing to social distance by staying out of each other’s homes, and how to make people understand it.
A 12-year-old’s letter to her post-pandemic self.
What comprises quarantine culture.
The people making American Girl dolls more representative of America.
How we distract ourselves and how we connect (or not) online.
How our favorite TV characters grow up.
Fun.
stuff i’m loving
Bridgerton (my new favorite comfort show!)
The Christmas Setup (the Fran Drescher-starring Lifetime Christmas movie. I repeat: Fran Drescher. In a Lifetime Christmas movie. It’s GOLD.)
evermore (I guess I’m a Swiftie and I just never knew it??)
Kristen Stewart’s style in Happiest Season
Season 4 of Big Mouth
my new hat (IYKYK)
this TikTok account where this lady pretends to put makeup on her dogs
Thanks for reading! If you like The Pop, you can click the heart at the top of this post on Substack or share it on social media or forward it to a friend — they can subscribe at thepop.substack.com. You can follow me on Twitter here and Instagram here, and learn more about my work at sarahhallecorey.com. And if you have any thoughts or feelings to share, feel free to reply to this email.
As someone dealing with a desperately lonely holiday, I need to watch this movie ASAP. Thanks, Sarah.